Solidified tears shattering the ground

untouched hearts bleeding with expectation

forlorn feelings lost in the silence of the shadows

heaving chests heavy with broken dreams

horizons darkened by the void of lost faith

voices screaming demanding sweet salvation

hands searching, groping for exsistence

love songs once sung now float atop chimney tops

hope bubbles popping in a vaccum of distrust....

 

 

 

Every fibre of my being longs for It,

would die for It,

would give anything to have It..

And yet It is out of my reach..

been hungry for It for long now

but can’t get my hands on it

How wonderful would life be if I had It?

Would it really change?

Evolve into my imaginings and become a reality;

a reality that I can live and breath every moment of my existence?

Is this world a farce without It?

Is my entirety a farce without It?

My world caves in on me as I need It more and more

as each agonizing day passes…

A wandering soul traveling across a parallel universe

searching...searching for It.

Today, I am saddened. Today, I am furious. Today, I am incredulous. Today...today, I simply don't understand. Today, I am lost...

 

Deep down in my heart, I am only sad becuase of the way Arab Muslims are being treated around the world, and as an Arab Muslim I feel I have the right if not the duty to speak my mind. On the first day of our Eid, they killed Saddam Hussein and today they hanged Barzan Al Tikriti and Awad Al Bandar. It is unjust, cruel, and inhumane. I am not denying the crimes committed by these men nor am i saying that they do not deserve a punishment but NOT at the hands of the American government. I hope no shallow being will say that it was the Iraqi government that took the decision to hang Saddam on its own with no pressure from the American government at all. Had the American government favoured the blood of its soldiers and the blood of the tens of thousands of Iraqis killed since 2003 over Iraq's oil wealth, we would not be discussing this topic today. Would Iraq still be suffering under Saddam's regime?..I don't know but probably yes. And that is not America's business. If i am correct then Saddam was murdered on count of killing 148 Muslim Shi'ites. How many people has Bush killed in Iraq? How many innocent civilians has Olmert killed? What about Blair and his soldiers in Iraq? What about Sharon? How many has he killed? WHY THE HELL DON'T I SEE THEM BEING HANGED THEN?! Or has the saying 'Practice what you preach' not yet reached the American government?! It is not a Non-Muslim's right to kill a Muslim. It is not right to kill a Muslim on the 1st day of Eid and associate such a joyous day with such hideous,obscene atrocity.

 

I do not,however, only blame the American government. No, I also blame the Arabs for their continued silence and acceptance of this charade. I blame them for kneeling to America's power and accepting all the obnoxious acts of terrorism that its government is subjecting us innocents to. They claim to be ending the terrorism in the Arab world, but alas, they are only creating new forms of it. Ms.Rice is now visiting the Middle East and will come to Egypt soon on her so-called 'peace-process' journey. Seriously. I wish she would just take a hike. I mean, when she was chosen to fill that position, I was ecstatic because I thought: ' Great, finally a woman! We'll get some heart into the brutal and heartless war decisions Mr.Bush seems to find so easy to pass...' and boy was i mistaken...
I am on the verge of a breakdown because I cannot fathom what I, as a young Arab Muslim, will have to go through as I grow older. I cry my heart out in empathy to all those Palestinians dying in their homeland fighting for something that is already theirs. My hands shake as I lie on my bed weeping for the Iraqis who died in this war..and who continue dying. While America weeps for its loss of 3000 soldiers, I weep for the +10,000 Iraqi lives lost and the +200,000 Palestinians dead.

And I hate myself because I can do nothing else but cry...

 

and pray...

Ya Allah, you can see what's happening in the world right now..you can see all those people dying, those innocent children suffering, those heart-broken mothers weeping...

please send your mercy down to us on Earth..please send your mercy...

I cannot take all the suffering and pain and death and riot any more

nor can i take all the unjustified deaths and unfairness that envelopes our world today.

Allah..please don't leave us hanging in this situation any longer, please save us

please save us from this deep pit of hatred lest we fall and sink beyond rescue

please...

please...

 

Amen

This story is a tribute to the Palestinian martyrs who died in the Israeli Massacre in Gaza and Bait Hanun

 

 

I was born a few months ago – rosy pink with delicate black hair and large watchful brown eyes – to a loving family of 10. My mom cuddled my soft and gentle body while my doting dad gazed at me with brown, teary eyes. My four grandparents showered me with hugs and blessings while kisses were squished on my receptive pink cheeks. My 7-year old brother stared from a distance unwary of a new child. while my 16-year old sister was amazed at my size! Finally, my 9-year old twin brother and sister saw me as a new toy to add me to their microscopic collection

 

Meanwhile, I lay in my mother’s arms sucking in her warmth and affectionate vibes of love. It felt comfortable to lie there with all those smiling faces looking down on me and watching my every move. Suddenly, a loud BANG! shook the house bringing our only vase crashing to the floor. There was a great deal of rushing and commotion then with 10 people crowding into each other’s arms directing their fear onto each other.

I knew then, I was born a Palestinian.

And proud to be one too. I had heard that I lost a brother and a sister when our home in Tal Aviv was destructed by the brutal and merciless Israeli forces. They could not be saved and their bloodied bodies fell to the ground as our home was brought down to the concrete floor. Jannah (Paradise) and Mohammed; the brother and sister I never saw…

 

I saw my father urge everyone into our home’s only bedroom. His hands were shaking and his forehead dripping nervously with sweat. My mom’s eyes dropped salty tears onto my cheeks while my grandma persistently hushed me even though I wasn’t crying. The twins hugged and lay on the bed while my elder sister wrapped her arms around my dad trying to calm him down. My mom kept rocking back and forth while I bobbed up and down.

   Guns were active outside and the sound of hurrying feet scurried outside our door. Shrill screams erupted from our neighbour’s home…my dad gathered us all on the bed and spoke quickly but so softly he was almost whispering.

 

 

“Say it after me: Ash- had – u an la ilah illa Allah wa an Mohammed Rasul Allah (There is no God but Allah and Mohammed is the Messenger of Allah).

I love you…I love all of you. I’m sorry this is all I could give you. I’m sorry I couldn’t give you gifts, new clothes, and toys all the time. I’m sorry you had to grow up like this. I’m sorry about Jannah and Mohammed and because…”

he faltered as the screaming outside grew louder and more intense.

“and because we can’t always protect you from harm’s way. I’m sorry children…I’m sorry. I love you.”

     At that moment the soldiers rushed in – blackened faces, ruthless expressions – aimed their guns and shot. They shot my dad. They killed him. They killed my sisters and the twins. My mom screamed while I started wailing...everyone I ever loved was dying before my eyes by these murderers. The same murderers who had just killed my grandparents and noticed my mom and I.

 

I heard their cruel laughs as they aimed at my mom’s forehead…she kissed me and I fell on the bed as her blood trickled on my hands. I saw them get ready to kill me and I remembered daddy’s voice and mommy’s soft touch and my family’s smiling faces…and smiled as the bullet raced through the air landing in my heart…

OKAY ...I HAVE HAD IT WITH MSN...I CAN'T POST ANYTHING!!! I HAVE NO COLOURS TO CHOOSE FROM, NO FONT SIZE TO EDIT...I SIMPLY DON'T HAVE A TOOLBAR!! THIS IS RIDICULOUS!

 

I CAN'T EVEN POST COMMENTS ON MY FRIENDS' SPACES!!

 

AND STEVE ( PROGRESSIVE PILGRIM ) - A VERY GOOD FRIEND OF MINE IS NOW LEAVING!

 

MSN -- SHAPE UP OR WE'LL ALL SHIP OUT!

 

Randa -- A VERY VERY VERY ANRY CLIENT

Boom! Boom! Bang! Bang!   Welcome to the 21^st Century.

 

America’s master plan seems to be right on schedule; eliminate Iraq and move on to Iran. And moving on it has. After having falsely accused Iraq of possessing Weapons of Mass Destruction (WMD), the American government is now accusing Iran of developing nuclear weapons. They, as do many of their European allies, claim that “A nuclear Iran is unacceptable for so many reasons….” However, a nuclear Russia, Pakistan, India, and Israel is completely reasonable and acceptable. Hmmm, could it possibly be because all are America’s side-kicks?! Just a thought…..

 

It is also claimed that “this could result in regional arms race in the Middle East which is likely to be quite destabilizing given the number and intensity of conflicts and instabilities in the region”. Instabilities?! I hope they aren’t referring to the ‘instabilities ‘in Iraq?! Or Afghanistan?! Instabilities?! Are Russia, Pakistan, India, and Israel immune to such instabilities? On the contrary, they are dwelling in them; Russia’s endless struggle with bureaucracy and lack of control among its people, the constant ‘small wars’ erupting on the Indian – Pakistani border, and the war Israel has been involved in with Palestine for over 50 years! Iran’s only two significant ‘instabilities’ were the revolution in 1978 and the Iran- Iraq war.

 

I beg to differ that a nuclear Iran “creates a gateway and the need for other countries in the region to develop nuclear capability”.

Both the gateway and the need are already there.

 

With American troops in Qatar, Kuwait, Iraq, Afghanistan, United Arab Emirates, and many other Middle Eastern countries, it sounds reasonable to me that Iran would want to develop nuclear warfare. It seems ridiculous that America, the world’s remaining superpower should be the one starting all the wars and expecting the rest of the world to comply with its requirements and not fight back! Playing the role of the superpower is a tough one -understandably- one that should be played with dexterity and skill….the US is becoming the dominant intimidator.

 

After his recent visit to Iran, Nobel prize-winner, Dr. El Baradai unequivocally stated that Iran’s nuclear program did not involve any formation of nuclear warheads. The program is simply to develop its nuclear power-generation industry which is compliant with the Nuclear Nonproliferation Treaty (NPT). Iran ratified the NPT in 1970, and since February 1992 has allowed the Iran Atomic Energy Organization (IAEO) to inspect all of its nuclear facilities. Seems to me that the US is trying to find a non-existent loophole in Iran’s program!

 

What I find particularly amusing is the reaction of everyone around the world. Prior to the Iraq war; many people, presidents, and authoritative figures such as Miss Condoleezza Rice and Mr. Tony Blair were very supportive of the notion of taking over Iraq. During the aftermath of the war, however, those same people were trying to ‘apologize’ and say that the war was a mistake without saying so in so many words. Those same people are now reinforcing the US by agreeing that Iran is a threat even though, as with Iraq, reports have proven otherwise. And so I ask a question: WHAT??! DO HUMANS EVER LEARN?!

 

A war will be waged, innocent lives will have to pay for the mistakes of their leaders, be it Iran or the US’s leader. Furthermore, a claim of a 3.5% enrichment is not much of an achievement at all. The summary reporting of the IAEO has not stated that there is decisive, conclusive evidence that Iran is seeking nuclear weapons. Neither the US nor its European allies have, through their intelligence analysis, been able to prove that Iran’s intentions are as such. The Iranian government has justified all of its acts and proven them to be in accordance with the NPT.

Do I go on?

 

I’d rather not.

 

I’ve made my case. The US lost its credibility with the international community when trying to justify the war against Iraq. Iran is not a threat to global security because Iran does not have forces in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Nor does it torture prisoners of war in Guantanamo.

Nor does it support Israel in murdering more and more Palestinians while claiming world peace and abolishing terrorism as its aim.

 

In my opinion, Iran is a more peaceful country than the US. In my opinion, the US should just back off. In my opinion, its European pals should kick back, relax, and focus on internal affairs.

 

Peace can’t prevail if we keep ‘digging’ for war.

 

 

 

I’ve always been transfixed by the notion of education in Egypt. Education, in my opinion, is the process whereby we cultivate our intellect through knowledge and wisdom. Egypt has defied that. It audaciously stated that education is the memorization and ability to quote monstrous, comprehensive bulks of information and reiterate them in the exam paper. Education is literally ‘stuffing’ young brains with masses of data incomprehensible to those infantile minds.

 

Coming to Egypt 365 days ago pursuing higher education, I was shocked. No, let me take that back; I was paralyzed with sheer frightfulness. Much better. Aspiring to become a pioneer in my field, study hard, and achieve great things, I applied to a private university I thought I could afford : the newly established German University in Cairo (GUC). I made the justified oversight that they differentiated between ambitious applicants with grades but insufficient funds and poor quality applicants with the wads of cash. It was a hard-ass blow that got me thinking about our failing educational system.

 

 I am currently a student at the eminent and prominent Ain Shams University. It was once an institution to feel proud to belong to; now it is a combination of pessimistic, despondent students, disconsolate staff, negligent and heedless management, brown decaying walls, and a failing educational system. I feel no pride. No pride…

 

But the wounds dig deeper. The university is the leaf of the dying tree. The decomposing bark is represented by our schools. There is a lingering air of carelessness and indifference that stenches the narrow hallways of our schools. It is in schools that the concept of stashing information in young minds is primarily engraved. I’ve always been inquisitive of whether the students’ psyche accepted that conviction as the norm.

 

Did they question the sense behind it as I did? Did they seriously doubt its success as a system as I did? Did they struggle to accept it as I did? I’m glad I never went to school in Egypt and so came to acknowledge this phenomenon as foreign to my system. But the fault also runs to the teachers who inject no enthusiasm in their subjects and who aim to finish the syllabus with such speed as creates more time for revision and more and more work. The fault is also that of the students who never object but accept what meager education they get and go trudge ahead. Yet another slice of our failing educational system.

 

You thought it couldn’t get worse. Think again. If you put your hand deep down in the dirt, you’ll touch the corroding roots. Roots so contaminated you’ll wrench your hand away. Ah, the roots of our failing educational system. What, you wonder, are the roots? Ah, they are the system itself. There seems to be no incentive to ameliorate education, to give students a chance for reformation, to bring this nation high to the stars, to show the world what we can achieve. We are robbed of our basic entitlement : good quality education.

 

I struggle on a daily basis because I’ve seen much better and so cannot accept rock-bottom bad. But no one understands. No one is capable of comprehending how poor our educational system  is. They complain of the attendance and quizzes and ask for them to be removed!! Are they blind to the basic requirements of university?! Research papers are an enormous difficulty…and we only had one.

 

I was shocked, am shocked, and believe will always be shocked. I pity my country for not apprehending its predicament and setting about to solve it. If a country fails to educate its people, then it has failed to reach civilization. And if the people have resolved to let things be, then the country has lost its most valuable asset. Egypt has lost both:

                      its people and its civilization.

 

 

It was a cold and damp Winter day. Rain had been pouring down for almost three days and everything seemed dull and gloomy. To add to the misery and depression, my exams were coming up, and i had to start studying and staying up late. The dreariness of the atmosphere outside enveloped my house and seemed to seal the misery within. It was when I was sprawled on my bed, a Physics book lying open but unread and untouched in front of me that the phone rang. Lazily, I dragged my body off the bed and started for the living room, but before I got there my mother had already picked up.

 

" Hello! Who's speaking? Operator? Oh yes, of course i'll hold. Nihal, darling, hi! How are you? What? Oh God...when did this happen? Yes, i'll be there...don't worry. Take care, bye."

 

As my mom quietly placed the headset on the receiver, the phone call registered in my head. Something was terribly wrong.My mom slid in the cosy brown chair and hid her face in the palms of her hands. She was crying. Running over to her, I kept asking her and persisting that she tell me what had happened but she never spoke a word. My dad who was sleeping in the bedroom awoke to see my mom crying, frustrated tears coming down my cheeks, and my five-year-old sister crouching on the sofa watching the cartoons with tears welling up in her large eyes.

 

They spent an hour in their bedroom talking while I was left in my own bedroom guessing wat catastrophe had taken place back home. My mom came out of her room looking more relaxed and composed and my dada came out with a forced smile on his face. I could obviously tell that they had horrendous news for me and that they were going to hide three-quarters of it from me.

 

"What's going on?" I asked

 

Receiving no reply from either if them, I asked them again.

 

“Mom? Dad? Will someone please tell me what’s happening?! Mom, who called? Dad, what happened? C’mon people, I need answers!” I wailed.

 

“Honey, it’s nothing really. You know how your mom feels about Nihal going off to university without her being there for her” , came my dad’s soothing voice.

 

“ I’m going to travel to Egypt because your sister is…is having a nervous breakdown because of her exams” said my mom.

 

I stared at my parents incredulously.

 

“That’s impossible” , I whispered.

 

“Mom, you don’t travel all the way to Egypt because of that stupid reason! My exams are knocking on my door as well you know!” I shouted.

 

“ Yes dear, but you’re still 15 and in school and she’s 18 and in her first year in university so she needs more assistance than you do”, my dad said with a slight smile.

 

No way, this could never be the truth. My sister was one of the most independent girls in the world. If anything, she’d probably call mom and dad and tell them that everything is under control !

 

“ Mom and dad….you both know that’s not true, so we might as well lay the truth on the table, alright?!” I said laughingly.

 

“ What we said is the truth Randa, take it or leave it!” my mom bellowed.

 

Her fierce and loud words vibrated their way down my ear canal until they struck me ferociously. I stormed out of the living room slamming my bedroom door behind me, The next day my mom and little sister traveled. I was frustrated and disappointed.

 We called them daily and whenever my dad spoke to my mom, he asked me to go to my bedroom. My exams started and I was halfway through when my dad came into my room and told me that my mom and baby sister were going to arrive in a week’s time.

 

“Dad, is everything okay back there?” I asked

 

“Yes, everything’s fine. You just concentrate on your studies and worry about report day, okay?!”

 

“Sure dad…”

 

I felt he was lying and a knot formed in my stomach; I had so many questions but no one seemed able to answer any of them. I was downright angry. A week later, they arrived. My mom looked very pale and her expression was grim. She was down in the dumps – anyone could tell. I grabbed my little sister and started hugging her and kissing her, while my dad took my mom into the room. I had really missed her. We sat on the couch in the living room.

 

“Did you have fun in Egypt, honey? How are Nihal, grandma, and grandpa?” I asked

 

“Nihal and grandma are okay and do you know where grandpa went?” she said innocently.

 

“ No, where?”

 

“ To Heaven”

 

In loving memory of my late grandpa….i love you and I miss you….

                                                        

 

Dear God,

 

I've been neglecting my duties towards you lately. I haven't prayed much and I haven't thanked you enough. I mean, you've given me plenty but I just can't find the time to read your Book or give you my thanks. Am i that selfish?? Can you possibly forgive me? I don't know why i only remember you at times of need,  but I know I need you now. I always say i'll remember you always, thank you always, pray always, but i just don't....

 

I know you must be really angry with me, but i need you to please give me a chance. I know i keep messing all my chances up and screwing everything up, but I'm lost and i just don't know what to do. I want so many things and yet i know that most are out of my reach. I know you're not ignoring me, but i just sometimes feel that you're the only one watching 4 me, and now i don't feel you watching over me anymore. Please don't scowl at me...I love you, i love you the most, but I just can't tell you how much i do. I need you to support me now because I need that support.

 

Dear God....please accept my plea, accept my apology. I promise to pray and to do more good. I promise to help the poor and needy and to study more. I promise to help mom&dad more and to stop yelling at my little sister. I promise to be more conservative and to get closer to you. I promise to read your Book more often and to follow its words. I promise to love you more with all my heart and soul. I promise all that...and much much more.  But all i ask for is a chance, please forgive me and please make my wish come true...You are the only one who knows how much I want it even though I act like i don't. You are the only one who knows I need it, and probably even deserve it. I beg you...don't let me down...don't give up on me just yet. Please....

 

Love,

Randa ...:)

hey folks....

 

all the motivating, upbeat comments i got on Clueless 1 made me get down to writing.....( "Chapter 2 " , shall we call it?) . so i did. this is only a draft and is very much prone 2 change so gimme the feedback!!

 

When she opened her eyes the next morning, Lora blinked as the sun seeped through the curtains and shone on the wall. The rays danced on the plain white wall and Lora smiled. She smiled unknowingly as she lay sprawled on the ice-cold floor. It took her some time to get used to the fresh light of the day, and when she did, she saw the delicate pink rose lying neatly at the foot of her bed. There was no note saying who it was from, but its scent was aromatic. In her mind, Lora could almost see the tiny hands gently placing the fragrant rose on her bed…

Quickly brushing the thought away, Lora eased up off the floor and slipped her feet in her slippers.

 

Looking out the window, she could see that the hail had stopped. But now only to be replaced by soft soft snow landing gracefully on the ground. Wrapping her shawl around her shoulders, Lora stepped outside and felt the cold wind lash against her, penetrating her layers of clothing. She strolled her white garden slowly crunching the vulnerable snow beneath her feet.

 

"Lora, how are you feeling today, love? Better, I hope?" a voice popped up behind her startling Lora and making her drop the rose in her hands.

 

"Oh! Mrs. Kingsley, you gave me a fright! Yes, I suppose I'm a lot better now. It's just the memories…they keep coming back you know, like they're haunting me. And I can't find a way to stop them. Over and over in my head…I suppose I could just close my eyes and drift away somewhere, you know what I mean?"

 

"Yes, dear, I do. But that really won't get you anywhere close to a solution, eh? Sure, you don't look as somnolent and groggy as you did the past few days, but, dear, you're not the same old perky, upbeat Lora either. We want you back, love. No, we need you back." Mrs. Kingsley warmly said as she held on tightly to Lora's shaking hands.

 

"I just need some time, Mrs. Kingsley, that's all. Losses are just so difficult to bear because they catch you when you're so completely unaware…"

 

Mrs. Kingsley smiled affectionately and hugged Lora closely before she left, hugging herself to stay warm.

It felt good for Lora to talk to someone. Almost like an outlet for all her darkest and most sinister fears. The early morning silence hung like a death notice over her head as she sat on the pallid snow. She knew she needed to talk, to lift the weight off her chest and to share her cumbersome troubles with a willing soul. Lora's ashen hands trembled as she made her decision to finally talk to someone who would listen. Yes, she decided, she needs to talk. But….who would listen??

 

 

 

i was sitting in university today bored outta my skull when i found my hand itching to write the thoughts running in my head, so i picked up my pen, and this is what i came up with:

 

 

Awakening to the deafening thud of the hail slamming against the metal roof, Lora slid off her cosy single bed and walked across the darkened room. Thoughts zoomed across her mind as she envisaged the morning sun pushing against the heavy clouds trying to shine its rays. Her pace was slow, slow, slow and calculated as she sauntered across the room, but her thoughts were unorganized and scattered. Her thoughts were no different from her dreams; for she spent her every hour thinking of that smiling face, those innocent eyes, and the tiny tiny fingers searching for an answer. An answer she did not have. An answer no one has. Lora shut her eyes trying to block out all the wounding images hurtling towards her and demanding of her answers to unanswerable dilemmas.

 

But the tears would not come. Her heart ached for the tears to fall, but they simply wouldn't flow. Lora walked to the small, dark window and quietly pulled aside the pink, floral curtains. And all she saw was white. The white white hail covering the brown earth and surrounding all the trees. There was nothing there to remind her of the hushed tears and vociferous chuckles coming from the petite mouth, but they were all she could hear as she gazed out the window.

 

Lora sank to the floor, and the tears rushed to her eyes as a train would into a tunnel. Shivers ran down her spine and her weak shoulders shook ever so violently. She simply couldn't stop. The tears just kept coming. The pounding of the hail was just as incessant as the thoughts running through her head, as incessant as the tears streaming down her cheeks...